I’m going to take a break from the angry cultural pieces and talk about love for a second.
Love, sweet love.
“Everyone believes in love, but wonders if it exists.”
I Google things. That’s just what my random mind leads me to do.
I’ve long gave up the allure of books for articles that answer questions like “How did so and so become famous?” and reading everything that’s listed on the first page when you search for “dementia.” (I watched a movie in which one of the character’s parents didn’t recognize her because she suffered from dementia.) Something pops into my head and gets typed into that little box and I read, read, read!
So naturally, I Googled, “Why you shouldn’t give up on love” when the time(s) came. I read every single solution. (Okay, only the first page because really, ain’t nobody got time for that.) Dismal to say the least. I was still left unconvinced. The arguments fell flat each time:
“Each time you fail you get closer to succeeding.” So what? It hurts like hell.
“God designed a pot for every lid.” But lids can fit multiple pots and that’s obviously the case since my lid is missing in action.
“If you give up now, you’ll never find love.” So. Once was enough and it hurt. Like. Hell.
“Great relationships are hard to come by.” I’ll have a great relationship with myself instead.
One started off nicely, but ended with “don’t regret relationships because they bring beauty into our lives.” Whaaat? “Love isn’t responsible,” it continued, “People are.” I had such hope for it. I think the “hurt like hell” response suffices here again.
“Our preconceived ideas about how love should be is what causes us to fail.” I still failed and I don’t want to try again.
“Look at dating as an adventure.” A painful, painful adventure.
I also like movies so I tried watching romance movies, too. I’ve seen them all. They restore my hope in love for a few hours at best and then I’m back to not believing again. Because you know why? Love isn’t a fucking movie.
So, I set about trying to convince my damn self since Google wanted to be childish. Hence, this post.
Without dishing out all of my business, let’s just say I’ve done nothing but cry and lay in my bed for days before. I’ve had my heart broken by the same man several times. (Dumb on my part, I know.) I watched the love of my life turn around and love somebody else. I’ve dramatically cried out in agony, “I NEVER want to fall in love again!”
I, like most people, know the down side of love very well.
Whether you’re an 18 year-old who just got out of her first relationship or a 45 year-old man going through a nasty divorce, heartbreak is all the same. It hurts like hell. And it’ll make you want to give up on this thing called love.
And no, I’m not in some super great place in my love life. I’m not happily in love with anyone. I’m not engaged or married. No, I don’t have some newfound love that makes me want to say, Honey, it was alllll worth it! Just hold on! (Read that in a Southern black grandmother voice.)
I’m single as hell and like millions of other people in this world, I’m wondering whether or not I should just give up on love or keep up the good fight. Some days are better than others. The other days fucking suck. (I’m talking about you, Valentine’s Day.) But here’s why you should give love just one more shot. And another one after that. And after that if you need to, sheesh.
We Are Fighters by Human Nature
Humans, we are a silly species we. We do dumb things like fight the inevitable, death for example, because that’s just what we silly humans do.
You cannot tell me that you would just go down peacefully if you were drowning in some lake. To my swimmers, don’t act like you’d just stay nice and still locked up in your cage while the killer goes and sharpens his machete.
Dylan Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night” is a good example of this. (Hello, you are reading the blog of an English major.) The speaker of the poem is begging his father, who’s on his death bed, to keep fighting to live. The speaker encourages people to fight until their dying breath to live, even when they’re dying and there’s no way to escape it. “Put up a fight!” he says. Right. Silly humans.
And it just doesn’t apply to death. This goes for all things it’s useless to fight against.
For instance, I remember crying my eyes out when my middle school basketball team lost this one game. Badly. We were in the fourth quarter and behind 34252405 points. There was no possible to way to catch up, but we still gave it our all in the last minutes of the game and decided to go out with a bang. We still cried and cried when we lost as if we didn’t see it coming.
This inexplicable need to fight also goes for love. Heartbreak. It’s inevitable. Even when you blink back tears in the middle of the day, somehow you still have hope that he’ll come running back to you and you guys will live happily ever after with the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, alladat.
Even after my ex told me to my face that he didn’t want to be with me, I still had this silly little thing called hope. Hope that this wasn’t the end. Hope that there was someone better out there. I’d love again so deeply and truly that I’d believe it was my first love all along.
Hope is such a silly thing.
Look at you. Looking up articles on why you should believe in love again. Reading this super long post hoping to be convinced to believe. Writing an entire essay to persuade yourself not to give up on love just yet.
Deep down you still believe. You’re fighting to believe just by taking the time out to read this. That’s a small action.
And no, you’re not dumb or crazy to still want to believe in love after all you’ve been through. We fight. We have hope. Even when it seems to be useless. That’s just what we do.
You’re just human.
So go out with a bang in human style and rage, rage against the dying of the light!